When I first started this blog, or even the concept of KineticRadio, it was because I wanted to make a bullet journal blog much like Boho Berry or Tiny Ray of Sunshine. The bujo system helped me sort through many of the projects I had both unfinished and in my head and helped me cope through a tough school year. My hope was to extend my experiences to others in the same way. But something didn’t quite jive. After school I got sick and have pretty much stayed that way on and off. I gave up bullet journaling when I was sick the first time and felt so guilty for it. It was making me feel worse though, all the pressure to make a new page every day, the fact that I didn’t know when to stop writing down tasks, my guilt over not finishing every little thing. I pretty much abandoned the whole concept. Now I’m slowly making my way back into planning. I’ve got a tiny Korean planner that’s adorable and already marked out. I use it in tandem with Habitica, the best website ever for getting things done. Habitica is where I brain dumb, my planner is where I pick the three most important things to do that day and write them down. It keeps me from doing too much and exhausting myself. I don’t know if I’ll be bullet journaling in the forseeable future, even though I still highly recommend it. That’s just why I haven’t blogged about it lately.
What am I doing right now?
Lots of small things to prepare for bigger things. Making art so I get better at it and can maybe even sell it. Learning Japanese so I can speak some when I go, hopefully in a few years (oh, and saving up for that trip). Finishing projects so moving won’t be such a hassle since I’m so, so bad at leaving projects everywhere. But honestly, most of it is just trying to be okay. Learning how to go through everyday life enjoying it as best I can while also doing things to survive (like paying rent). It’s embarrassing sometimes how not good I am at coping for long periods of time, especially during spring and summer when my depression and anxiety are at their worst. Medicine has helped, Charlie has helped, but it still takes enormous effort. This is a lot of babble to say that I am doing my best to learn how to live and live well without making myself ill. Also, it’s late and I’m exhausted from Pokemon Go.